Now, if any of you are reaching 40 and feeling a little lost and unsure, well, definitely you are not alone. Many people at about the age of 40 face significant changes knocking them off their center aesthetically. Let’s dive into the common challenges and how you can navigate them.
One massive change that comes to pass is realization upon entering adulthood. One woman spoke about how it wasn’t until 40, having had a baby, that she truly felt she was an adult. She described it as transformative; “I couldn’t continue to give off the air that I didn’t care about the big things that happened on our life journeys.” Just goes to show how something big in life, like becoming a parent, will shift your perspective.
However, it’s not the only element which can make one feel out of place. Societal changes play a big role, too. We hit these traditional markers of adulthood things like buying a house or raising a family much later than previous generations did. Having this off-timing to these more traditional marks might make you feel there is a lack of hitting the ‘adult’ markers at the right time. One article pointed out that, whereas it was 29 in 1981, the average age of first-time home buyers is now 36 in 2022. This shift can, in many ways, thus create an Alice-in-Wonderland-type feeling your internal age does not seem to align with the external successes.
Another factor in interaction here is the constancy of personal taste and worldview. Your favorite genre of music, sports, and even your style mostly get fixed during your younger years. This can foster an impression of not being a very different person from the one you were at age 20, now when you perhaps could well be 40, with a mortgage and children. In the words of another fan, “Tom Petty has been my favorite artist since I was in eighth grade.” You can’t help but feel somewhat out of kilter if your internal self doesn’t seem to match up with your external life stage.
It can also beMoreover, these can be due to childhood impressions of what adulthood looked like. When you were a child, adults seemed to have all answers and be in control. Now you know the reality: everybody has doubts and uncertainties. The adults whom you used to look up to are just as unsure now as you are at this very moment. Acceptance can make one feel more comfortable in their adult skin.
At about age 40, a number of physical changes often begin to take place, especially in women. Many women enter what is described as perimenopause, the transition time leading up to menopause. This can include sleep disruption, weight gain, mood swings, and other symptoms that can be puzzling and irritating but may be less vexing if one knows they are part of normal aging.
Emotional changes also happen. A midlife crisis is not just a stereotype; it is a real stage where people start to question life’s choices. “A midlife crisis may lead to an abrupt change in occupation, commitment to relationships, or hobby exploration,” claims clinical psychologist Michael G. Wetter. Such questioning can result in impulsive decision-making or a more intense concentration on the most critical spheres of life, like family or personal interests.
Very important to remember: These feelings and changes are normal. They’re a part of growing up albeit, some of us a little late in the game. I read one story about taking care of a newborn that actually made a woman feel like an adult for the first time in her life. “Staring down at my newborn, it hit me: this is what it was like to actually believe in something in this world.”
As these transitions unfold, focus on personal care and growth. Let your changes surface and lighten hard expectations of yourself. Whether it be becoming a new parent, entering perimenopause, or just plain ‘what am I doing with my life,’ all that’s going on might turn out to be the most profound vehicle for growth and self-discovery throughout life.
Well, if you’re lost or overwhelmed at 40, then at least you’re in good company. This is for reassessing and growing. Welcome changes; seek support where necessary but most importantly, remember that the feeling of uncertainty is just part of the journey. After all, the adults you admired growing up were winging it too. Now’s your chance to define what adulthood means for you, complex and beautiful.